The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
