i don't like sucking hair
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
