This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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