i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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