Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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