i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
