hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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