My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
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By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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