If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
