Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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