my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize