I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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