some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
