guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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