if i can run in heels then i can drive
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
