got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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