Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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