i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
