i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I stole a fireplace last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
