Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
