You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
