If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
