where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize