Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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