Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
