i jhust puked up my retainher.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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