Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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