she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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