i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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