We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
