boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
