Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
