guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
