so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i love accidental penises.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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