i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My penis needs a shock collar
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
