To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
