Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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