i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
