Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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