He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
