The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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