Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
