Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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