R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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