wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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