...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
