Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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