please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
