community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
