Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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