we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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