the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
