Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
