i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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