I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize