Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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