the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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