If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
