Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
