Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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