did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
