I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
