I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
