so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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