She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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