i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
