Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
