I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i think my cat just said my name.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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