somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
