how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
