awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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