The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My penis needs a shock collar
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
