and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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