My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize