Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
