Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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