the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
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I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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