Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
