i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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