Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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